he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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