We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
