Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize