Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
