is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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