i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
