all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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