Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
