that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
