In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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