the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
