I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
