How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
