I accidentally burped into my bong.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize