He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
