Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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