Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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