At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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