I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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