Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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