just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
