Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
