In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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