oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize