i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
