i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
