Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
