So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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