Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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