Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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