look no pants
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
