good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
