There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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