I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
