Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
