dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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