my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
