I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
