Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
