Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
