The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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