i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
