Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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