You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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