i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
do herpes really smell.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
