Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
