I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
