new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
