Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
