i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
