Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
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Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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