so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
