Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
