I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
