I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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