defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
