i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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