Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
