This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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