I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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