Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
