Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
