I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
