I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
