Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
