An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
