i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
did i walk over a car last night?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
