We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
