o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
