He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
