Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
