i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
