i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
