i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
