I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
