After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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