he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
